I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
