its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize