There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
