You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
