i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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