At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
