After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
