just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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