Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
