Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
