He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
