I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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