He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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