You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
