fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
