becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
