call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
