I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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