Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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