Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize