I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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