I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
