I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Four minutes until I can fart!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
