I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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