my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
