I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
