If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
