some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
