i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
