peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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