Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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