Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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