I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
