our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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