This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
