I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
