Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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