He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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