just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize