hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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