It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
