remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
