A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
