im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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