So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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