Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize