In America we eat man semen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
