i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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