Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
