I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
