Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
