he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
