dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
