you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
