So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
