Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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