If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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