That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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