K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
