Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
