rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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