Your dad touched me again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
50% drunk capacity currently
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
