So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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