Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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